A MISSION BEGINS....

It's fair to say that while I had no fixed plans returning back to Australia I was still on a mission, a mission to get everything sorted as quickly as possible so I could begin to settle somewhere and find some routine. I was really impatient, racing my way up the coast making plans to move all my belongings into a place I hadn't even found yet. 

This pushing went on for a few weeks and it was wearing me down, I was feeling really flat and frequently overwhelmed. Looking back now I see that it was largely driven from feeling un-grounded, having nothing solid to attach to, pure fear of all the uncertainty.  This was being physically reflected back to me in my yoga practice, I was scattered and was really struggling with balancing.  The intense yoga practices that I was choosing (Power Flow at 30+ deg) were not making it any better, this sort of practice for me personally, fuels my intensity.

It was after taking a slower more mindful, grounding class on the coast that I started to feel at ease again and began to see things as they truly were. I was trying to force things, I hadn't surrendered to the unknown at all, I was attempting to force everything into my neat little box that I'd created in my mind.

From this point I began to open my mind to more possibility, maybe I didn't need to immediately move all my things, maybe I didn't have to live right on the beach, maybe I didn't need to rush into moving, perhaps I wouldn't even live on the Sunshine Coast. 

At this point I truly began to surrender to what will be, I let go of all the fear and the need to have everything under control. I started to spend less time planning and more time doing what I love, paddling in the ocean and immersing deeper in my yoga practice.  I started to see that everything is perfect exactly as it is and began to feel really deeply connected to my yoga practice, truly seeing that it is no longer separate from me or something that I just do, it's inherently within me.

The basis of your life is freedom, the purpose of your life is joy. ~ Abraham Hicks
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​AND THEN THE MAGIC STARTED TO RISE....

I felt lighter, deeply content and things started to fall into place in ways that I never would have dreamed were possible. You know those times where you are in a flow? everything just seems to be going your way?? you get that perfect car park in peak hour, the song you are thinking about comes on the radio, the things you need/want seemingly arrive out of nowhere with little to no effort, you manifest the purchase of avocados with your bread in the local bakery.

It's even gone as far as things that I clearly described 6+ months ago in some Law of Attraction exercises (we described our future lives and key events as if they'd already happened) have actually played out exactly how I described them! At times I've been so gob-smacked that I can't help but laugh at the synchronicity.

In reality nothing has changed, only my attitude and thought patterns. I still have no idea what I'm doing, how I will make a living, if I will settle and stay on the Sunshine Coast. At this point though I'm so blissfully happy and content with not having the answers, I feel that I don't need them. I truly believe that they will come when the time is right. Over the last month or so I've come to see forcing and pushing things doesn't make them happen any faster, in fact for me it's been counter productive.

That's not to say that we should just sit by and watch life passively happen to us, I think a higher intention/goal is critical. I think Sadhguru put it perfectly when he said:

"Whether it is love, or flowers in your garden, or success in your life, or enlightenment, unless you create the necessary conditions, it will not happen. Whatever we do, it is not to make the flower, but only to create the conditions, so that flowers will happen".

This was the whole premise behind my move to QLD, to create conditions that I felt would facilitate my greater vision of a blissful life. It's taken a few mental shifts along the way, but without a doubt the flowers are starting to bloom.
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It's said that when your energy, thoughts, and emotions are aligned with the flow of the universe, it begins to work in your favour. What if the purpose of our life truly is to be joyous, to align with the natural flow of the universe where there is no pushing or forcing, only blissful ease?

Then I guess the next question would be what brings you joy, and what conditions do you need to bring more of that into your life?

This is the most intense experience I've ever had being in that effortless flow, but as I look back it's very clear to me that it's always the same conditions that create it, my magic formula of sunshine, ocean, yoga and feeling deeply connected.  

I'm so very grateful for this present experience and will continue to enjoy every minute of it while being mindful that everything comes to pass. At least now it's even clearer to me what needs to be done to find this beautiful space, I hope that you also find it and linger here for a while too. If so I'd love to hear about those gob-smacking moments where your left wondering 'did that really just happen?'.

Namaste
Mandy xx

For the last two months I've been in Mysore (India) immersed in a 500Hr Yoga Teacher Training. I arrived in Mysore feeling firmly grounded. I was clear on my reasons for coming here, I had a good idea of what I was seeking to learn and had a clear vision of what my next steps were going to be (Bali, then moving to the Sunshine Coast). I felt physically strong and comfortable where I was at physically, emotionally and mentally. 

The first 10 days of the training were fantastic, the honeymoon period - absolute bliss. The yoga practices were great (developing strong foundations), everything our teachers said had me attentively listening in awe (except during anatomy classes) and I was meeting and connecting with lots of wonderful likeminded people. I started to feel really energetic, so much so that I felt I needed to find a way to calm myself down. 

Everything was going great although it soon became apparent that I had a lot of learning to do in area's that I hadn't anticipated.  These lessons arrived as a number of different challenges or obstacles on the path as the yogi's would say.

My first challenge was my right wrist. This has been playing up on and off since last December, I just haven't been able to get it right. We were doing a lot of backbending (Charkrasana) which was placing additional strain on it, the result was some inflammation and discomfort. After chatting to our teacher I decided to keep as much weight off it as possible for around 5 days. It was around this time that the physical practice started to pick up with some arm balances etc. My first challenge was to listen to my body, not putting myself into positions I knew I was more than capable of doing but would only be serving my ego and not my healing. 

To help my wrist recover faster I started to seek out some treatment, initially I had massage in mind but I found myself doing some intuitive body work sessions. These sessions included some physical massage along with cranio-sacral and crystal therapy work. This is where the second hit to my ego came. During the first few sessions I was told that my body is holding more than physical tension, the therapist suggested that much of it was likely to be emotional, stuff that needs to be released by me letting it go. 

I truly believed that I'd made peace with everything that I could possibly have been holding. This was hard to take, I left feeling like I still had a lot of work to do. If it wasn't for some very pertinent points/observations that she made I probably would have dismissed it as being an inaccurate conclusion.

Then I got sick. Rarely do I get ill when travelling, I'd say that I have a pretty strong stomach although something didn't agree with me. This really didn't phase me for the first few days, it was just like having an underlying case of Bali Belly. I continued with the physical practice just taking it a bit easier. Although by Day 3 of having everything pass straight through me I was feeling drained. Again my physical practice was struggling, I was also finding it hard to stay awake and focus in class. A rare choice was made, I decided to take some antibiotics which cleared it up pretty quickly.

After the rest period for my wrist I slowly eased back in and it started to feel better again. Then during practice around one week later we started playing with some arm balance transitions, a slight twist while weight bearing and it was aggravated again. Again back to limited practice and that feeling of complete frustration. This time I started strapping it up for some extra support. 
At this point I started to see things with a little more clarity, I realised that I'd been carrying this niggle for months. My priority shifted to getting myself to the second month of training with my wrist feeling as strong as it could be.

By the end of the first month I was already feeling like I was being strongly challenged on all levels. I like to work really hard, to get the best out of myself in all circumstances and to constantly push myself to grow. If I'm to be totally honest often this manifests on the physical plane, only for so much of that first month I felt physically unable to push and get the best out of myself. This as I'm sure you imagine was resulting in just a little frustration.

We had a week off in between Level 1 and Level 2 of the training, this provided a great opportunity for some rest and recovery.

One of the girls suggested that we visit an incredibly talented doctor who diagnosis/treats based on the principles of chinese medicine. One of the first things we did on finishing Level 1 was to go see him. His diagnostic report was somewhat shocking to me, I thought I was in relatively good health, I certainly feel much healthier and better than I did a few years ago. I thought that the huge improvements to my diet and lifestyle in the last 3 years had 'fixed me' but the report said otherwise. The hardest part was I couldn't argue with anything that he said. He was 95% accurate in the diagnosis without asking me a single question! What he had described, I was actually experiencing in my body. Again came that feeling of not being as far along my journey to wellness as I thought I was. What made it even harder (which I know is stupid) was hearing how everyone else who had seen him at this time was largely in great health. This was probably the one thing that played on my mind the most, how many more ego blows could I take?? Well it seemed that I still had much to learn and it wasn't over yet.

Next up was our 8 day Panchakarma detox treatment, a friend and I did this during our week off. Around 4 days into the detox I came down with a flu like cold - the worst I've had for as long as I can remember. With this I began the second month in a similar manner to how I finished the first. Struggling, only this time with running/blocked nostrils, headaches and lethargy. On the positive side though my wrist seemed to be doing much better. 

After the first full week of the Level 2 training we began undertaking some intensive bodily cleansing (kriyas). The first kriya called Vamana Dhouti has us drinking lots of salt water very quickly and then vomiting it up.  After this my digestion got so messed up that I went a week with less than 3 trips to the toilet. My body felt toxic, smelly, blocked, bloated and then came the impacts on my skin - more pimples than I've had since I was a teen. My mind suffered quite a lot during this time, most of the time it was occupied with how yuk I was feeling and thinking about how much stuff was stuck inside me. 

Just as that cleared up (after a week) we did another intensive kriya called Shanka Prakshalana, this time we drank the salt water, performed some exercises and then released the water through the bowels. This time I was more fortunate, only 4 days of digestive discomfort until I returned to a semi normal.

In the last two weeks of the training I started to feel much better...
I was moving deeper into many postures that I'd ever been before and the wrist became far more manageable, I stopped strapping it up and I was comfortably holding chakrasana and arm balances once again. The last week was probably the most enjoyable, we had some strong practices, lots of question time and plenty of opportunity to learn new techniques for assisting others.

If I said that I gracefully dealt with every little set back I'd be painting a very inaccurate picture. With the exception of the first 10 days, this was one massive rollercoaster ride.  It didn't so much feel like a yoga teacher training, it was more of a learn to deal with yourself training for me (which I suppose is largely what yoga is about). This culmination of experiences certainly had an impact on me.

Firstly I lost my grounding - I began questioning everything.
Did I really want to return home and commit to living in one place?
Am I even in the right job, do I want to continue with the Stand Up Paddling side of things? 
I started to feel that I was broken, that I needed to take more time here in Mysore or in Bali to 'fix' myself.

On several occasions I felt like my yoga practice was moving backwards, that I wasn't learning anything or refining anything that challenged me. Significant periods of frustration were experienced along with lots of struggling to find motivation. 

For the first 4 weeks while all of this was happening I didn't understand where all of the doubt and negative emotion was coming from. I couldn't understand why I was having these experiences, it all just seemed a little unfair.

It became really clear to me where this downward spiral of negative thought came from after chatting to the therapist who was doing the course of intuitive body work on me. As I filled her in with the pertinent points of my previous week (how I was feeling, my growing list of uncertainties etc) she said something along the lines of 'how is your confidence coping with all that'?

Then it all clicked...

Pretty much from the second week of teacher training, my ego took hit after hit...gradually it wore me down to the point where my whole sense of self confidence was gone.

I don't consider myself to be an egotistical person, but I do acknowledge that this thing called 'ego' exists within me and it is a very powerful creature. I had no idea just how much it impacted on how I feel about myself and my confidence.

It was huge relief to find a clear explanation for the feelings/doubt that I'd been experiencing. Once I could see exactly what was happening the doubt dissolved, I stopped questioning my dreams and the path that I've selected to get there. I then started making my plans to return home and begun to get excited about it all again.

When everything seems to be stacking up against us it's very easy to loose heart and think that we are 'broken' and need 'fixing'.  

One of the most important things that I learnt over my last few months here in Mysore is the strong link between my mind, ego and sense of self. I've been amazed to observe how the continual blows to my ego impacted my state of mind which in turn really strongly influenced how I feel about myself and my confidence. I have no doubt this whole experience played out exactly how it needed to in order for me to learn the lessons that needed to be learnt. Had it been just one or two little set backs my recovery most likely would have been rapid, I generally have enough positivity in my mental mind bank to bring myself back up. Then I'm really not sure what my greatest lesson would have been.

I now feel confident that I can continue to move forward knowing that my intended path has been adequately put to the test, after all the doubt and questioning I came back to my personal truth. I am not broken, I do not need fixing and I trust myself enough to know what I want. 

The concept of balance is something that continues to blow my mind each and every time I bring it to my attention, which is very much on a daily basis.  The importance of it can almost be captured in the many different words that are often used to describe this state - balance, homeostasis, equilibrium. 

You can call is whatever you like, the simple fact is that we aren't alone in our endeavours to achieve this state where happiness, wellbeing, contentment and joy come with ease.

On the microscopic level you can look at our human composition. Each and every one of us is made up of trillions of cells. Every one of those cells has a primary goal of maintaining balance, their ongoing health and survival depends on it.  If the individual cell cannot regulate temperate and other necessary functions they will die, same goes for us. This is true for the cells making up all living creatures.

You could then consider the macroscopic level of earth. Everything living on earth is collectively grouped and often referred to as the biosphere. It's recognised that this biosphere regulates the amount of salt in the oceans, levels of carbon dioxide and oxygen in the air and the temperature on the earth's surface. Even balance is being sought here to keep the conditions on earth hospitable. 

When you look at things from this perspective it can be quite humbling. Our task in finding balance doesn't seem that great, after all our cells are doing a lot of the work for us. Keeping our personal balance could almost be considered straightforward when you think of all the work that our poor biosphere has on her hands!!

If I've come to learn anything recently it's that finding personal balance is a not goal that can simply be achieved, not for any length of time anyway. Like everything, where we sit on the balance continuum is constantly changing. What brings us into balance one day might not work the next, this is what makes it such a great challenge.

For the last year while travelling I felt more balanced than I have for several years, it seemed that I pretty much had it worked out, perhaps because there were very few external pressures.  In the years prior to this I'd over-committed myself to triathlon, work and numerous other things at the expense of relationships etc. It's all very easy to see in hindsight but not so much when you are actually caught it in.

Getting overly caught up in things seems to be inherent in my personality.  I'm super passionate and driven by nature and can easily become so focused that everything else is temporarily blocked out. This is something that I recall being with me for years and it's still very much part me, I find it easy to slip into this state.

Through the practice of yoga (including meditation and mindfulness practices) the awareness of my current state of being has become one of my greatest tools and allies in keeping me balanced. I'm now acutely aware when I'm out of whack and can recognise when I need to sit back, re-evaluate and adapt. This isn't at all to say that I've worked out the balance equation...that's still a long way off.

Returning from a year of travel (with little to no responsibility) to a life where I'm establishing and running a business, working part time in the corporate world, dealing with more un-controllables than I can poke a stick at (esp. weather) while trying to find my feet again has certainly tested my ability to keep the peace and balance that I'd become so accustomed to. The absence of this balance/peace certainly explains why I've been fantasising about travel so much! 

I am however confident that I can get myself much closer to that state of balance/peace back here in Australia, it's just going to take some work, like it did when I began travelling.

Over the last few months I've been experimenting with all sorts of factors that I feel really impact on my ability to feel centred. These include sleep, diet, the shape of my yoga practice, how much energy I can give and how much time I need for myself.  There have been weeks where I got it really wrong and ended up as flat as a pancake and some that have gone great and had me feeling like I could take on the world, one thing I got at each end of the spectrum was valuable lessons. 

One of the next factors for me to address is how much time I've been spending working (or thinking about work) I know it's been too much. I've been doing too much on my own and have wasted countless hours on things outside of my expertise which I could've paid somebody to do and saved myself the hassle. 

I would love nothing more than to totally switch off at least one day in every two weeks, having 24 hours with no social media, internet or work, just time in nature enjoying the sunshine watching the world pass by. With that said though, I recognise that the coming months will be critical in determining the viability of my business going forward. The luxury of fully switching off probably isn't available (or a wise decision) at this time. I will however look for something in between - perhaps this will be along the lines of stricter guidelines for myself on the use of social media/email, working hours etc.

So far using this trial and error approach has helped me to get a handle on what does and doesn't work for me in this current environment. I've become aware of stress points and things I really need to watch out for - there are so many things in my control that can bring me down to a sub-optimal level (i.e. too much coffee, not enough sleep etc). 


Why would I spend so much time on this? 

For one, I now understand just how much of an impact being out of whack has on my general wellbeing, both physically and mentally.  Secondly, my new business venture cannot succeed with a worn out sub-optimal Mandy, looking after myself and keeping things as balanced as possible will be a critical success factor.

I'll also ask one question of you - have you ever met somebody who has all their pillars aligned with a great sense of balance who was unhappy or wanted to change aspects of their life?

I've come to believe that balance is so critical to everything, not just us as a human species but to all things in nature, all matter.  A friend provided a great example earlier today as we chatted, she gave the analogy of a tree with all the roots growing to one side, it has no resilience to external factors such as the wind and will easily fall down. Are we not very much the same? In a similar way when we are worn out from putting in too many hours at the office, how present are we when we get home and spend time with family/friends, is this really quality time?

My effort to seek balance is still a work in progress but as each little aspect becomes refined, everything seems to become more manageable, less overwhelming and the scales begin to tip more towards a balanced state of equilibrium.  I'll keep working at it but will always remain conscious that everything changes and my approach must always be dynamic to account for this. I'm confident that with the tools of yoga, meditation and mindfulness in my pocket I'm in much better shape to consciously move myself towards a more harmonious life.

The first of the Yama's 'Ahimsa' often translated as 'non violence' is perhaps one of the most pertinent. While non-violence can sound simple at the superficial level (i.e. don't kill or hurt anyone) it can be far more challenging when we turn this quest towards ourselves, particularly in those instances where we feel powerless, unhappy or out of balance. 

The form of violence I speak about here is not just gross physical harm but also emotional harm. How many times a day do we direct criticism, unkind or unhelpful thoughts towards ourselves that we would never dare put on another (often out of concern for how it may impact their emotional/mental wellbeing)??

This is so easy to do and sometimes takes the simple form of looking in the mirror and making a mental observation of how undesirable we look today, criticising ourselves for taking a day off from exercise/training, calling ourselves stupid for not getting out of a less than ideal situation sooner or even just eating that slice of chocolate cake. It's so important to remember that we are all human - we make mistakes, need to rest/recharge and sometimes enjoy that slice of cake!

The art of living with Ahmisa not only applies to ourselves and other human beings, it also extends to all living creatures. This yama is very much in line with the buddhist precept of abstaining from causing harm and taking life (both human and non-human). At this point one of the first questions that comes to mind is  'Do I need to be a vegan/vegetarian to practice Ahimsa'?

During my time in India studying at KYM it was interesting to get our highly regarded philosophy teachers take on this. Her opinion based upon extensive study of the scriptures was that being vegan or vegetarian was not essential for the practice of ahimsa, it all comes down appropriateness. As an example a fisherman killing fish to make a living and feed the family is considered to be in line with ahimsa however a commercial fisherman taking fish with the intent of turning over a profit would be considered to be acting against ahimsa. 

The way that I understand it is that most yogi's are generally vegetarians because plant based foods are generally considered to be more 'sattvic' or pure which helps to keep us in balance (i.e not feeling lethargic as can happen after a big serving of spag bowl or overly energised which happens when we eat too much sugar).  For me personally I maintain a vegetarian diet around 95% of the time as I feel much better without meat, especially red meat which I now find really difficult to digest. If however I'm craving some fish or chicken and this feeling sticks around for more than a day I'll generally eat it - after all if my body is asking for it there must be a reason.

One of the most personally relatable passages of text that I've come across in regards to Ahimsa comes from Deborah Adele's book 'The Yamas & Niyamas'. It talks about balance in our lives being a cornerstone for non-violence, it also speaks about the consequences of losing balance, she states:

'We are bombarded and we bombard ourselves. And if we have any doubts, our calendars will reveal the truth of our craziness. The repercussions are inescapable, immeasurable violence to ourselves and those around us".

I read this around a year after doing exactly that - loading up my calendar so heavily that there was no space for a 15 minute delay because everything that followed would fall down. At the time I didn't have the awareness (or the scheduled time to stop and reflect) to see how this was impacting myself and all those around me.  I was constantly stressed/tired and my friends and family were left feeling like they were just another appointment in my calendar. I was proud of how much I was squeezing into my days and how productive I'd become. I only began to question my crazy scheduling when a good friend kindly expressed concern and opened my eyes to the flip side of my behaviour.

It's so easy to get caught up in all that's happening in our lives and not realise that we are inflicting this harm upon ourselves. I believe that the first step towards correcting/improving anything is the identification of the pattern/behaviour, after all how can we seek to change something that we cannot see?  It's so important to give ourselves space and quiet time to reflect and study our own behaviours/patterns. I just spent a year doing it quite intensively and still feel like I'm in the first chapter on the book of Mandy!

The kindness and compassion that we cultivate towards ourselves will be directly reflected to those around us. Conversely if we remain extremely critical of ourselves, those around us are likely to feel our high standards being pushed upon them (even if this is not our intention).
 
So with all that said how has the practice of ahimsa impacted/changed my life, and what does it look like for me on a day to day basis:

• first and foremost not killing or intentionally harming - yes this even means mosquito's, flies and spiders. My first instinct now when a mosquito or bug lands on me is to blow it off, if that fails I'll brush it away. This is why I often have mosquito bites on my head and spend significant amounts of time shooing flies out of the house! Today I literally chased a white-tail spider out of the house.
• bringing more awareness to my own thoughts and how I'm physically feeling so that I can notice when I'm being unkind to myself. This involves frequently taking time to sit quietly and check in.
• making sure I have lots of unallocated time in my days, tending towards not enough to do rather than having too much to do.
• where appropriate simply saying no, sounds easy but it's not something I was particularly good at in the past.
• being more accepting of what is and those things that I cannot (and don't need to) change. This can be a tricky one especially when it comes to loved ones as we often assume that we know what's best for them.
• doing my best to live with less judgement and more kindness and compassion for all living creatures.

Like all things my practice of ahimsa is still very much a work in progress although as the commentary on the Yoga Sutra's say 'even a bit of ahimsa is enough to elevate us to a higher state'.
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Surely that's enough of a reason to give it go :)

Returning home after an extended period of time away (particularly when travelling) always stirs up a number of emotions. Often when we return it's with a sense that we've evolved and changed so much, yet it can seem like everything has remained the same at home. 
Finding our place again and not falling into old patterns can be one of the greatest challenges.

I came home after my recent trip really excited about what lies ahead knowing very well that I'm not the same person I was when I left. Amongst many things my outlook on life, approach to living, perspectives, and attitudes towards myself and others have significantly changed. I'm not so concerned about falling into old patterns this time around, my renewed sense of self feels like it's deeply woven into my being.

One thing that I couldn't shake this time around though was the frequent thoughts of all the 'stuff' that I have sitting in a friends garage. Just knowing it's there has been weighing me down. I'd managed to live out of a backpack for a year and was perfectly fine with the few things that I had. 
I was struggling to see the point in keeping all this stuff. 

This brings me to yoga philosophy and the Yamas and Niyamas. These can be considered as guidelines, ethical disciplines or perhaps restraints and observances. One of the Niyamas is 'Aparigraha', this guides us towards living with non-possessiveness, not hoarding things that we do not need. 

Deborah Adele brilliantly explains 'Aparigraha' in the context of possessions in her book 'The Yamas and Niyamas'. She states:
"Anything we cling to creates a maintenance problem for us. The material items that we hoard, collect, buy because they are on sale or take because they are free, all take up space and demand our attention....clutter in our physical space blocks our ability to physically move, while clutter in our minds blocks our freedom to expand and have space for the next thing that life wants to bring us".

It's interesting to look back and reflect.....before I moved my things into storage I went through a process of significantly minimising my possessions. I got rid of 3 bikes, 2 kayaks, and 10+ pairs of shoes along with a whole bunch of other stuff that I felt I no longer needed - I was rather proud of myself for doing that, at the time it seemed like a big deal.  Yet here I am again with exactly the same stuff seeing that so many more things need to go. 

I'm now ready to let go of the couch, television, DVD's, lots of clothing, kitchen goods etc as I can clearly see that they don't add any value or enhance the quality of my life - they are simply cluttering my physical space and my mind.  

Clearing the clutter is a really challenging process, so many items that we posses have memories attached to them. Sometimes it can be hard to disassociate the item and the memory, we fear losing the memories when the item moves on. I had this feeling as I went through my last yoga practice on the mat that I'd carried around for my entire trip and used almost daily for 11 months. While it was just a yoga mat, it had been the place of so much transformation and growth, I had so many memories attached to that mat. I decided not to bring it home with me so I honoured the tears that flowed as I said goodbye, took a photo of it, and left it in Bali for somebody else to enjoy. The memories remain and if I need reminding in the future I can take a glance at the photo I took which clearly shows the hours of work put in on that mat. Perhaps one tool here is to take a photo before getting rid of something as an insurance policy for your memories.

It's also difficult to let go of thoughts like 'what if I need to buy all of these things again in the future, what a waste of money it would be starting again, how would I even be able to afford to do it all again'. But this is where we need to be truly honest with ourselves, we have no idea what the future holds, everything changes - only that fact is guaranteed. There is no point holding onto things just in case we might need them again one day - especially if we can't see that one day appearing in the next 2 years. 
  
The challenge that I'm putting to myself as I move into a new home is to be brutally honest about what things I need and what adds real value to my life. I'm tired of feeling weighed down by all this stuff, it's time to get the clutter monkey off my back and clear some space for all the wonderful things that are coming.

Around 11 months ago I left Australia on a solo adventure that I hadn’t planned in any real detail, this was a first for me – surrendering to the unknown.

I left in search of something else – I just had no idea what that something was….

The adventure started with a family holiday in Phuket, Thailand. It was here that I learnt the importance of compromise and making time for the things I need to keep me balanced. 
I’d just spent the previous few months living a really healthy clean lifestyle; I was getting ready for yoga teacher training.  My idea of a holiday and that of my dear parents can sometimes differ greatly. In the past this would've caused me lots of angst. This time though I approached it differently, simply respecting the fact that we have different ideas/lifestyles, neither of us need to change, nobody is right or wrong - it simply is what it is.  I made sure that I took the time out to do the things that I needed to do (yoga, running, meditation) and could then happily sit at the beach sipping coconuts all day eating fruit/corn while everyone else drank beer and ate burgers. In the evenings I'd enjoy a few social cocktails (even though I was supposed to be detoxing pre yoga training) and at the end of the day we'd all happily retreat to bed. The new approach certainly worked and its now here to stay.

From Thailand we flew to Singapore as a family. It was in Singapore that I was reminded of the extremely fortunate childhood that my brother Brett and I had. It was like stepping back in time 20 years to when we were children visiting the zoo, the aquarium and were sitting around the dinner table together. It was in Singapore that the importance of my family was really reinforced; I cherish the time we share together and love them all dearly.
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It was then off to Balian Beach in Bali to undertake 5 weeks of yoga teacher training with Alicia Cheung and Oliver Reinsch of YogaWorks.  I learnt more during this 5 weeks that I thought was physically possible. Not only were we learning anatomy, sanskrit, philosophy, asana alignment and how to teach we were also taken on a deep journey into ourselves - this was perhaps the most challenging part of all.  Some of the key things that I learnt during this 5 weeks (even though I could spend a day writing these alone) were:

• Personal growth edges - identification of patterns that I've developed over a number of years that really don't serve me.
• Viveka - the importance of using discernment (seeing things clearly, without judgement) in our day to day lives. 
• Pulling the fulcrum back - a technique that can be used to protect us from getting too drawn into intense situations (I find myself using this a lot).
• Non-attachment - I had some treatment done on my chronically tight hips and was advised to take some time away from running if I wanted to loosen them up (not the first time I'd been told this). At first I really struggled to let go, reflecting back it's clear to see I used running as an escape for quite a while. If I graphed it I think there would be a direct correlation between my run times and how much I had going on at the time, the more disturbed my mind the faster I'd run!  I had to let go of it, my hips have been holding on so tight for years and I'd got to the point where improving it had outweighed the importance of running. In the absence of running I jumped back on a surfboard and re-connected with my love of the ocean - this may have been a critical point in directing me to where I am now.

After the training a small group of us decided to stay together and hang out in Bali for a little while longer. We spent some time in Ubud and then went on a surf trip visiting Balian, Canggu and the Bukit. It would be fair to say that the time we spent together was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. In such a short time we formed a really beautiful, supportive, loving, connected sangha (community). I learnt so much from these beautiful souls, but the power of deep connection with other humans was the big one. Somehow I'd been missing this - perhaps because my own walls were previously blocking it.

The most profound learning came from an amazing morning surfing with Scott. We caught waves, formed a band, made up songs, created seaweed jewellery and generally had a ball. Scott re-introduced me to a version of myself that I don't recall seeing for sometime, one where there is no inhibition, absolute contentment, pure joy. This was an extremely valuable experience, I know exactly what created the conditions for me to feel this way. I therefore have a recipe to create the ultimate version of myself, I simply need to source the ingredients.

From Bali I headed to a small place called Dhamma Ketana around 10km from Chengannur in the South of India. This would be where I'd get my first taste of Vipassana Meditation, a whole 10 days of it. It seemed like a logical next step and a great way to spend Christmas given that I wouldn't be with family/friends.  For 10 continuous days I spent 10.5 hrs in seated meditation. To say this was a challenge would be a huge understatement, again the lessons were coming thick and fast. I wrote a whole blog on this experience so won't dive back into detail but the greatest learnings were:

• I do indeed have the mind of a monkey, it's a beast that is extremely difficult to tame. It will grasp at the craziest of concepts simply to escape the reality of what's occurring in the now.
• I'm more than a little attached to food, in fact it's a pretty unhealthy attachment and something that I need to consciously work on each and every day.
• Everything comes to pass (Anicca, Anicca, Anicca as the great man Goenka would say) 

It was during Vipassana that the whole concept of waSUP Yoga & Fitness came into existence, it was clear to me that this would be my new path.

The following month was spent in a place called Varkala in the state of Kerala on the south west coast of India. During my time surfing in Bali I managed to pick up an injury to one of the stabilising muscles on my right side, I thought it would pass with rest during Vipassana but this injury unlike everything else did not pass - the inflammation got worse and the discomfort only increased. I headed to Varkala for some more rest and to seek treatment. This was not part of my broad plan, I was in India to practice and study yoga but here I was unable to hold myself in a plank position. Some of the lessons from this month were:

• Adaptability - While there were lots of things I couldn't physically do there were still plenty of things that I could manage. I changed my usual approach and focused more on meditation and gentle poses until I could slowly begin to work my way back up to full sun salutations. I also spent lots of time reading, listening to music and chatting with locals - in hindsight the rest was a blessing it certainly helped me re-connect to the ways that I can relax without physical activity.
• Traditional Ayurvedic Treatment is an incredible approach to healing. In seeking to correct my rib/muscle issue I visited a place called Aswani which was founded by two brothers trained in Kalari Martial Arts and Ayurvedic Medicine. I must say that the treatments initially seemed quite out there (natural plaster casts, steam tents, herbal warm water drenchings, deep fried herb sack rubbing) but I'm sure that they fast tracked the healing process. The Ayurvedic approach to healing and living really sits with me, this initial experience had me reading books wanting to know more. I picked up lots of useful information that I'm sure I'll draw upon in the future.

The next stop was two weeks in Goa on the central west coast of India. Goa had always been part of my broad plan, I wanted to immerse myself in learning Ashtanga there. I was still in no state to learn Ashtanga so again adapted my plans. I headed south to Palolem Beach and continued my immersion into chilling out and holidaying with a side of yoga rather than the other way around. 

After Goa it was time to put my yoga student hat back on. I headed to Chennai on the east coast of India for a 4 week immersion at the Krishnamacharya Yoga Mandiram (KYM). The program was heavily focused on yoga as a tool for healing (perfect!).  We undertook daily asana, pranayama and meditation practices, vedic chanting classes and attended lectures on philosophy, application of yoga and the tools of yoga. This was a truly incredible learning opportunity. My perspectives on a whole range of topics were challenged on a day to day basis (covering everything from arranged marriage to foot placement in trikonasana), it was great to hear things from an Indian perspective and then compare this to how things are viewed in the west. The time I spent at KYM has significantly influenced the way I practice and also my approach to teaching yoga. 

Living in Chennai for a month was a really intense experience,  I haven't felt that immersed in the authenticity of a place since I was in Rwanda back in 2007. Chennai has this knack of taking you on an emotional rollercoaster every time you walk down the street. It goes a bit like 'oh no that looks like a squashed dog on the road, oh how sweet there is a man bouncing a puppy on his legs, are you serious did that man just slap that women in the face, oh how cute look at those kids playing together and so on'...and you've only walked 800m! It was my time in Chennai that really re-enforced just how much abundance is present in my life, I really begun to feel gratitude towards the seemingly little things (like being able to retreat to a quiet place or lie down at the beach, having a pillow to put my head on at the end of the day). I was constantly amazed by the beauty, friendliness and kindness of the people I met. On our days off I would stroll the streets of foreign neighbourhoods interacting with the locals I met along the way, I learnt here in India that a simple authentic smile can speak so many words.

From Chennai I headed to Sri Lanka, Sri Lanka had been on my list of must see destinations for as long as I could remember. I was craving the ocean so headed straight to a place called Midigama on the south west coast, here I could surf until my heart was content. After Midigama and a day trip to Galle I headed inland to Kandy, the cultural heartbeat of the island. It was a really short two weeks but from the very first train ride I was completely taken by the place, I knew that I'd need to come back some day. The people were lovely and the scenery was stunning, untouched beaches and tea plantations as far as they eyes could see. 

While it was a short few weeks, it was very intense, I learnt so much. The greatest lesson of all was the preciousness of life. I had the great pleasure of meeting a lovely guy by the name of Torge, we surfed together, went on a whale watching trip and hung out. The day after the whale watching trip he suffered a massive heart attack while surfing, he didn't make it, life taken away in he's early 30's. It really hit home for me that we just don't know what's coming, every day truly is a gift and we need to treat it as such. Again this reinforced the importance of my family and friends, I promised myself that I wouldn't hold back on telling people how feel, I'm going to live this life with no regrets.

After Sri Lanka I headed back to Bali, this seemed like stepping back to the western world after my time in India and Sri Lanka, initially it was a short 2 weeks spending time with my beautiful family. We visited Canggu and Ubud and it was in Canggu that I met Chris and the team at Ngeluwungan Villa. 

In this short few weeks things begun to manifest in front of my eyes. I got the call from work (my engineering job) offering me a relocation or redundancy payment as our little office was due to close. This was a seed that I planted much earlier, when I left Australia it was with the thought that a redundancy offer while travelling would be the best possible outcome, and here 5 months later it had arrived. Now I would have the financial means to set up the business that I'd dreamed up during Vipassana, there was also no need to rush home, for the first time since being a child I was completely free with no commitments or obligations. One of the key things I learnt here is that when we are are very clear about what we want, these things will manifest, it only takes time. Things then begun to unfold further with Chris asking me to manage his villa while he visited he's partner Alona in the US, here was my reason to stick around in Bali.

The next stop was a quick trip to Singapore to undertake 6 days of Stand Up Paddleboard training. Again I met so many amazing people from all over the world but it was the guys from Singapore that I became great friends with. During those few days we learnt all about water rescue, paddling technique, and lots of new skills. I went into the training with the intent of simply getting a piece of paper to certify me as a SUP Yoga Instructor although enjoyed the paddling instruction so much that it became part of my business plan. Here I learnt that an open mind can show you doors that you never knew existed. I now have so much diversity in my business offering that I give myself every chance for success.

After Singapore I headed back to Canggu in Bali to look after the villa for a few weeks. This was a huge learning curve for me. I've managed lots of stuff before but had never done so in a foreign country and an area completely out of my expertise! Quickly I learnt about the significant cultural differences between Australia and Bali, I also came to realise that there are many different sub-cultures in Bali alone.  Some of the key lessons that I learnt during this time were:

• To take a few breaths and relax (even when everything is seemingly going wrong), getting frustrated gets you nowhere especially here in Bali.
• Management/leadership skills are pretty universal - people are people, it doesn't matter where you are in the world, we are all one and the same, treat others as you'd like to be treated, common goals will see investment and progress. 
• I get such a buzz out of meeting new people, interacting with others and learning about their experiences/cultures but this also has a limit, I can only give so much, again the importance of taking time out for myself was re-enforced.  

Once Chris returned to Bali he asked me to stay on and I was more than happy to do so. We came up with a plan where I would teach yoga at the villa, look after guest activities and set up/manage some social media platforms. He's an incredibly creative, intelligent guy, he's taught me so much about business, marketing and managing people expectations - these are lessons that I will translate in my own business. 

While in Canggu, I was searching for a yoga studio where I could practice,  I was stoked to come across Samadi. It was at Samadi with the lovely teachers Damien and Andrea that I finally began to learn the Ashtanga primary series. The Ashtanga style reintroduced some fire back into my practice, I'd very much lost this since the injury and my time in India practicing more passively. 
It was during this two months of daily Ashtanga that I began to see my yoga practice in a new light. It's really difficult to explain in words, perhaps you could say that the spiritual side of the practice really started to shine through, this was the most beautiful gift - I now get to enjoy this on a daily basis. 

I was still surfing almost daily but was soon to be taught another valuable lesson about over-doing it, making intelligent decisions and letting go. Somehow while surfing I replicated the injury that I had on my right side, only this time on the left. The severity was nowhere near as bad with only a few weeks rest needed, but it certainly alerted me to a problem. I went back to the basics:

• what did I love about surfing? simply being in the ocean, 
• are there other ways to achieve this? yes, being on the SUP or going for a swim,
• can I let go of my attachment to surfing? yes, okay done deal.

That's not to say I no longer get out on the surfboard, just not every day and not for 2 hours at a time.  If I feel like it I'll paddle out, catch a few waves and come back in.

I'd let go of surfing but was still battling with letting go of my engineering career, I had lots of great offers coming through for engineering work back in Australia but at the same time I knew that waSUP Yoga & Fitness absolutely had to go ahead. I was overwhelmed with options, my normal spreadsheet analysis wasn't bringing forward any answers, I honestly though that I could do it all, part time engineering and run a new business. That was when I decided to do some Life Coaching with Andrea at Samadi to help make sense of it all. It was after our first session and a simple homework exercise of writing down an ideal day that I came to realise that attempting to do both jobs would take me exactly where I was before I left Australia - overworked, exhausted and unfulfilled. Quickly I learnt that I can't do it all. The detachment to engineering was then instant. It was during this exercise that I learnt, when we are clear about our values it becomes easy to guide ourselves in the right direction. 

While I enjoyed my few months learning Ashtanga I got to the point where I felt that my progression had significantly slowed, I was no longer inspired and wasn't learning as much as I would've liked. I needed to get back to the style of practice that I was most passionate about and constantly inspired by, Vinyasa. I wanted to soak up as much yoga as possible as I won't have this available to me when I get home. It was with these things in mind that I decided to treat myself to a two month yoga immersion in Ubud, my spiritual homeland. This would see me spending much more time on the motorbike (it's around 1hr away) but I didn't mind the driving. 

One thing that's become clear to me in my travels back and forth is that so much of our experience is dictated by our own state of mind. Here in Bali I've found myself really enjoying lengthy road detours and getting stuck behind slow cars or in traffic, this is a great opportunity to see new areas and notice things I'd otherwise miss. When I leave here I'll be making a real effort to continue cultivating an attitude of appreciation/opportunity rather than frustration in circumstances which would normally cause stress, after all why should it be any different in Australia?

My Ubud destination was a yoga studio called Radiantly Alive, this place has been a real pillar of inspiration for me, it was here after a Transformational Breath workshop with Daniel almost two years ago that I knew with absolute certainty that I needed to get out of my work as a consulting engineer, this trigged everything that has taken place since. For the past two years I've used this studio as my retreat space, its where I go when I need to feel inspired, to reconnect to myself and to my yoga practice. It was here that:

• I was first introduced to yoga philosophy. Without a doubt this inspired me to dive deeper into yoga and ultimately led me down the path of teaching - even in this last few months I've continued to pick up more philosophical gems, we never stop learning.
• I learnt the importance of living a life of gratitude. Since I left home I've been keeping a gratitude diary using a phone app, it's now a ritual for me to reflect on my day before sleeping at night. I have no doubt that gratitude is positively correlated with happiness :)
• I was first introduced to Yin yoga and came to learn the importance and benefits of incorporating this into my practice. I love this practice, it's a great balance to all the yang vinyasa.
• I learnt so much about creative sequencing, using class themes, and guiding classes (simply though taking several classes and observing).

I've learnt so much in my time at Radiantly Alive for which I will be forever grateful. I'm sure I'll be back again at some time in the not too distant future.

Bali is such an incredible place, it keeps drawing me back in. I had no idea that I'd stay here this long, it's been a truly wonderful experience - I'd do it all over again. So much of my personal evolution has taken place on this small island, it now feels just as much like home to me as Australia. 

I've met so many amazing people during my travels creating memories that I will cherish forever. I'm so grateful that I met Chris and Alona here in Canggu, they took me in like a family member, I've enjoyed every minute with them and the awesome team at Ngeluwungan Villa.

With just over a week left here in Bali I'm preparing to close the pages on this chapter of my life, one that was filled with travel, rapid transformation, much learning and growth... I had no idea what I looking for when I left Australia but I now see that I have everything I need... 

In just under one month I will launch my new business waSUP Yoga & Fitness, my personal manifestation of all the things that I'm passionate about. For the next six months I'll be pouring my heart and soul into waSUP. I'll also be gathering the ingredients for the ultimate version of myself that I discovered during our Bali surf trip. 

I return to Australia re-energised, focused and feeling more balanced and internally connected than ever before, it's from this space of internal contentment that I can now put myself back out into the world in service to others. I can't wait to see what the next six months brings, it's going to be one hell of a ride - rock on!